You are viewing the most recent 10 entries
July 1st, 2013
June 29th, 2013
Wow, okay it's like this:
Once the anti-anxiety med started to work I was overjoyed to feel good again. I also wanted back, ASAP, the life I had lost over 12-18 months. So I tried to do everything at once. That trick never works. At my age you'd hope I'd know better. So that didn't work and I had a small relapse.
I'm doing better know, working things slowly back, adding another as I get one under control. My social life is doing nicely. If I can, I'm thinking of turning it up a bit. The house is looking better. I'm writing once or twice a week. I'm making the occasional bit of jewelry. (I keep buying beads...)
I still haven't restarted my walking program. I haven't really revved up my online life. I expect to do both. Sometime. Slow & easy must be my mantra. Also need badly to schedule a physical & see dentist. But I have dental phobia at the best of times. Slow & easy.
My psych has added L-Methylfolate to my regimen and it seems to be helping, especially with overcoming the inertia. I'm feeling energetic, both willing & able to do things. This week I made homemade chicken noodle soup, revised and input 12 pp of my novel, attended the first Clarion West party of the summer and attended the Locus Awards. I may go to another party tonight and I'm having dinner with a friend tomorrow. This level of activity would have been absolutely impossible just a few months ago. It doesn't hurt any that Seattle had an incredibly sunny spring and seems on track for a warm sunny summer.
Am trying to lose bad habits picked up in the late unpleasantness too. Ice cream is now confined to weekends. (Haagen-Dazs vanilla bean was the only thing that made me feel better for nigh on 8 months. I had quite a monkey there.) Still picking at self. At least I'm not creating sores deliberately now, only picking at the ones that occur normally. And there's only 4 of those currently. Getting better at getting out of the house too. Lunch anyone?
Speaking of getting out. Jordin and I will both be at this year's Westercon, arriving Thursday. Would love to have dinner, lunch, drinks, breakfast, whatever with folks. We are also going to be at Comic-Con. We thought we should go once, just so we know. And of course, we'll be at Worldcon. Hope to see some of you in one of these places.
Also hope to begin rebuilding my LJ community.
Current Mood: happy
May 15th, 2013
Brag, brag, brag:
One of the online sites I shop at for beads, Lima Beads, has an interesting & unique facility. If you register, and it's free, you can do what are called Fresh Picks. You can use up to 16 items from everything on their website and design little collections, ideas for design, color experiments - whatever. Every day they pick one design to be pick of the day & everything in that design is 20% off for that day only. For the first time ever the POD is one of my designs. Displayed here http://www.limabeads.com/store/cont
You cannot believe how excited I am.
Oh, um, more later. I've been thinking about you guys a lot.
Current Mood: artistic
April 8th, 2013
How did it become more than a week since I last posted? Well, for one thing the sun did indeed go away and so I've had less energy. And the weather app on my iPhone says rainy or cloudy for the foreseeable future. Sigh.
How did I fare on my goals? Fair to middling. The spare room isn't perfect, but I could put someone in there with an hour or two notice. Huge progress. The cleaners were able to get in there to dust and do the floors for the first time in months.
I've only just started the necklace I meant to make. I've sorted out all the beads I want to use and have made a handful of them into links, but that's all. And I have another project to add in. I started a piece of bead embroidery earlier this year and then lost track of where I put it. Found it while cleaning the spare room so now I have that to do as well. Which I'm actually excited about. It's a new technique for me and this is only my first piece, but I think it's going well.
Someone on one of the lists I'm on posted a notice about a reading some of the local writers are doing soon and linked to the venue, The Wayward Coffeehouse. I'd heard of it if course as a venue where a lot of fans hung out and even had meetings. I looked at their web page however, and they host lots of stuff. Including a mahjong group every Wednesday. I've only played a couple of times, but I really liked it. And the posting for the group says they'll teach you! Now all I have to do is overcome my social anxieties and actually go. I really want to, but I'm so very shy and introverted and stuff that that kind of thing, introducing myself into a group of completely unknown folks, is really hard for me.
There's currently a brouhaha going on on some blog about how the Hugos are broken because they don't represent the will of fandom at large, all die, oh the embarrassment. Many people are trying to explain to the writer of said screed just how things work about the Hugos and Worldcon business meetings and committees and all that. He doesn't seem interested, claiming we're hostile to newcomers etc. ad nauseam. I took issue with one thing he said. He was maintaining that probably only a massive demographic shift, like Baby Boomer die off could help. I posted telling him that wishing me dead so things could go more to his liking was really beyond the pale. And a couple of other things. I wanted him to understand that Baby Boomers were not some massive faceless coporate entity getting in his way, but individual human beings with their own thoughts and feelings. What I find completely fascinating is neither he nor anyone else has responded to my little note although the discussion is still going on. Not even the usual belittling things people say when you've pointed out someone has said something appalling. I mean, nobody even said I shouldn't be taking it personally!
I feel like I've been running into that kind of thing a lot lately. An attitude, either bluntly spoken or inherently assumed, that we old folks are In The Way. Suggestions, both blatant and subtle, that we need to stand down and let the younger folks take over. As you might imagine, frequent suggestions that one is unwanted and unneeded,and, in fact, in the way are not very pleasant to live with. Frankly, this particular jerk is not the first one I've heard talk about how much better X will be when the Boomere are gone, i.e., dead. That sort of shit is distinctly annoying. Based on family history, I've probably got another 20 years or so ahead. I'm not ready to disappear for the time I have left. Certainly not for the pleasure of self-important jerks who think my being alive and active is holding back progress!
I'm an atheist and an old person. Two groups who don't get no respect.
Current Mood: cranky
March 31st, 2013
We both slept like proverbial logs last night and didn't wake up til later than usual. Had a nice lie in. I've just started reading Jacqueline Winspear's new book, Leaving Everything Most Loved. She has a series set in the interwar period in London that is not like anything I've ever read before. Highly recommended. The first one in the series is called Maisie Dobbs, who is the psychologist/detective.
Jordin has been doing paperwork and I've been playing with beads. Ready to start a new linked one sparked by the recent BOTMO package of jasper and agate. Which i will begin tomorrow. The other goal for this week is to finish up clearing out the guest room. Which we began last week. It would be nice if I could get some work done on the dining room too, but I'm not officially making that a goal.
It was another beautiful day. Appreciated it from inside this time, but appreciate it we did! Alas, forecast says it will be cloudy & rainy next week.
What are your goals for the coming week?
Current Mood: peaceful
March 30th, 2013
Following a lazy morning reading in bed, we headed out for Costa's in the U District for an early lunch/late breakfast. I usually like this place a lot, but today I ordered oatmeal and they were really stingy with the raisins & brown sugar. It's so nice and quiet when they students are on break though!
Afterwards, we walked a couple of blocks looking in windows and talking. At the Gargoyle shop we ended up buying a lovely candle holder of 3 cats in a circle around the candle. We could easily identify which of them was which of our cats so we were sort of obligated. I always enjoy this store a lot. Bought an EA Poe pendant too.
The Goodwill store is right next door and Jordin wanted to check out their electronics so in we went. I ended up buying a lovely thing which I can use either as a light robe or a long jacket over clothes. Maybe both! I'm always unsure about buying clothes & stuff in Goodwill. Yes, the money goes to a good cause, but I could pretty much shop anywhere, ya know? What if my buying something on a whim keeps some poor soul from getting something they need? Am I over thinking this? Probably, but I do like to use my good fortune wisely and not to the detriment of others.
We dropped back by the house and then headed out again. I dropped Jordin off at the LaserMotive offices and then headed over to JoAnn's to see if I could find something usable for a belt for the above mentioned light robe. I did. Also, JoAnn's is a big store and I spent all my time wandering around looking at cool stuff until it was time to go pick up Jordin. In addition to the belting, I bought a counted cross-stitch kit, a ribbon dispenser that should hold my beading wire very nicely, a 4th of July towel, and was mightily tempted by baskets but did not fall.
It was an absolutely glorious day, sunny, almost warm and no wind. We drove the S2000 with the top down all day. Don't get a lot of opportunities for that in Seattle! I enjoyed the day very much, but was far more tired than I should have been after so little effort. Also twisted my hip getting wrong into the damn car. Grumble.
Came home and played with cats and ate and now reading in bed. Overall, a good day.
Current Mood: satisfied
March 28th, 2013
The weather for the past 10 days has been phenomenal for Seattle. Every day has had large amounts of sunshine. It's been colder than I like, but even that is starting to ease a little. Which probably means the high pressure is going away and the clouds will come back! I've been working really hard at appreciating it.
Over the last couple of years I've become a real hermit, but I'm making real efforts to change that. Not that anyone seemed to miss me much (and don't say you did unless you want me asking you why, in that case, you made no effort to reach out when I disappeared) but I need some level of interaction with people to be happy. To get me out of the house and participating in life. Jordin won't work for that, much as I love him. He doesn't need people at all so far as I can tell.
I'm making a real effort to take better care of myself too. To eat better food, get regular sleep, and take my meds regularly. I hope to add regular exercise back into that when it gets a little warmer. Be more regular at things like showers, teeth brushing, and other forms of personal maintenance.
Between Internet shopping and reading compulsively (it's how I've been coping with the anxiety - keeping my brain busy with story) I can easily go a week without leaving the house. Or even longer. So I'm working hard at getting out more. It's been really hard. It's so much easier to stay home in my nightgown with yet another book. I'm trying, but it's what I fail most at.
But what I want to know is: when does it stop being an effort and become enjoyable again?
Current Mood: stressed
March 23rd, 2013
I couldn't sleep last night so I was looking for things to keep me occupied. I looked up in my LJ what I was doing 10 years ago. (It amazes me I've kept it up so long, however spottily at times). Ten years ago today, we spent our first night in this house. It was a Saturday then too. We had moved our stuff in from the apartment we had been using here in Seattle and were awaiting our stuff from CA. It came on the following Wednesday. I had never seen so many boxes in my life.
It's still much too cold outside, but at least it's pretty sunny. I had hoped to get an early start this morning and try to do some fun things that would keep me out in the sun, but the bad night put the kibosh on that. I'm actually feeling pretty good though. It's only being tired & sleepy keeping me in, not the desire to hide from the world & everything in it.
Jordin & I had fun last night playing with the cats and having better conversation than we've had for a while. Well, I'd already noticed it improving; last night was just particularly nice. We haven't been having marital problems; I've just been mostly crazy since last July. And I'm not being flip; I'm really serious about that. Also, I seem to be using up more than my fair share of semicolons today!
I can feel my brain starting to react better & as what passes for normally with me. I can think and plan and remember. Well, of course, there's some coughing and spluttering and occasional outright failure, but definitely improving over all. Relieved isn't the right word for what I feel about it though. I really genuinely hadn't realized how bad it had gotten until I began to get better. Which is scary.
One of the things I thought about while trying to sleep was about how much of aging (after 45 or so) is about loss. The years gave been good, especially the last 25 or so, but I have had a lot of loss in the last 15 and it's accelerating. So you are hereby invited to remind of the good things about aging. (Note: menopause doesn't count for me. I looked forward to it for years, but that's when my body began really breaking down. Sigh.)
Current Mood: sleepy
March 22nd, 2013
ASeries Of Random Observations:
When I woke up this morning it was 35F and fucking snowing. I have always hated snow and cold with a passion. The arthritis & JHS have only broadened and deepened that hate. Yes it didn't stick and had quit by noon. Though I'm pretty sure it never got out of the 30s. I nearly cancelled the day.
When I did go out I noticed my grape hyacinths were just starting to break their buds & bloom, which is some consolation. But not enough. Especially if the cold killed them.
Glad I didn't cancel though, as lunch with Angela was fun. We talked for 2 hours.
My therapy session right after was really upsetting & draining though. Yes, at 60 I've decided to add some therapy to the drugs. If you'd undergone the counseling & therapy that I got in the 70s and early 80s you'd understand my reluctance. Annnnnyway. After it I wanted to come home, put on my flannel nightgown, and get in bed with a comfortable book. And I could so I did. Sometimes my luck astounds me. Though I do feel I've paid for it and then some. If you don't agree, go spend 40 years with untreated major depression and then get back to me.
March 20th, 2013
Dear Fantasy Writers:
Most of the bone I have seen in my life was not white unless bleached. It's been yellowish or brownish or even pinkish, but not actually white. It jerks me out of the story every time. Also, white as bone or bone white has become a complete cliche. Can't you find some new, slightly creepy, simile to set your tone?
Current Mood: cranky